As a disabled father I always worry about being an inconvenience or embarrassment to my three younger children. Even though they have only ever known me using my wheelchair or crutches, I always worry that they resent me not being able-bodied.
I always try to activities with them but often worry that I look foolish struggling to be the same as everyone else. Some days when I'm in pain I often sit in the car for a long time while the rest of the family go to places or take part in activities. My partner feels guilty when I do this but for me I would rather do this than my children miss out on something. Many places and attractions do make provisions for disabled people and wheelchairs, but at times this extra effort can sometimes make it feel like my disability is being highlighted. Majority of the time I try to ignore these feelings as I would feel bad denying the children something that they would enjoy doing if I was able-bodied. I don't know if everyone with a disability feels like this because often people tell me that I should be proud of trying to do everything that we do as a family.
My partner is always looking at ways that we can do things as a family without putting too much pressure on me or my body. She often gets frustrated as she feels that I should fight more for my rights as a disabled person, but again I just feel it embarrassing having to highlight my disability.
It is hard to hard to coming with terms that because of my disability I cant do everything in life the way I would like to do it. We still try to do as much as we can as a family even though it may have to be a bit slower and slightly different than other families. I'm just really grateful that my children and partner have the patience with me and are willing to adapt things to enable me to be part of things.
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